Since I have found x-team blog and their youtube channel I’m always excited to read their posts and watch videos. But I feel like it leads to nothing. This is my comment to one of their blog post which shows my current mood state.

https://x-team.com/blog/the-value-of-the-team/

I feel the same about the “real jobs” now but tend to get one of this “jobs” soon.

It’s because I’m actively looking for a job now. And I see a lack of remote opportunities on a market. Today is the first day of the third week since I have started my job search process. I have sent a lot of applications to some remote and mostly to jobs with a relocation proposals. I don’t like a place where I live now…
I started to hate filling a job applications forms. I started to sending applications to any job which somehow connected with my skills, not only to jobs which description I like. A had a skype calls all previous week, every day I had two calls in average. Mostly calls with a relocation proposals to Germany, Netherlands, Cyprus and even Vietnam.
I started to love doing test tasks. Because this is the only work that I’m doing in last two weeks and I feel the desire to work. But I started to hate them too because every new task I’m doing for free.
This week I will have 3 more calls. I started to feel insecure about my skills, I started to think about lowering my salary expectations.
Job search process is profitable in revealing your weak sides, but in general, it’s painful.

And I’m doing it all only because I can’t find a good remote job after I have finished my previous remote job, where I have been working for 1,5 years.

Like in this article introductory I felt myself alone at my previous remote job. And now even if I would find myself in office soon and people around me would be less qualified, at least I would have a job and would not feel alone and insecure. I will change my freedom for that.

I have applied to x-team, yes. But I don’t think that it will lead to something. My application answers more grumpy and not look excited. It’s because I’m tired of trying to prove that I’m good enough and qualified to every hr while interviewing.

I’m writing all this only because I’m in the same situation now and with the same feelings as described in the beginning of the post. And I want to have all that goes after. A team and-and interesting job. But, probably not this time.